Today is day 15 of avoiding processed sugar.
After doing some reading about food addiction, it was all up in my grill and unavoidable that I have a food addiction and sugar is a major trigger for me. I mean I knew it before, but I didn’t fully understand exactly why and what was going on. I know that it has gotten much worse in the last two years and I attribute that to being unhappy for too long. Now that I’m getting my life back and feel like a 1,000 lb burden has been lifted from my shoulders, I’m working on fixing these bad habits that have evolved while dealing with someone else’s bullshit. And I’ve learned the hard way to not let anyone else ruin my happiness. Other people’s shit doesn’t have to become your shit.
In the interest of full disclosure, because there is sugar in EVERYTHING, to make this as basic as possible (otherwise I wouldn’t stick to it) I’ve been avoiding the obvious sugar laden foods (cookies, candy, cake) and sticking to things that don’t have sugar or artificial sweeteners in the first 5 ingredients. It has been really tough but I’m sick of being addicted to this crap and after 15 days, it’s starting to get easier. I lost 3.8 lbs in the first week and it’s made a difference in my running.
Today I tried my third shot at the final day of the Couch to 5k program. The first time I added more hills to my run so I had to walk three times. The second time was Saturday when even at 7am it was hot and humid. Humidity and me don’t work well together and right about the middle point of my run, my legs just stopped running. No conscious decision by me, they just stopped.
Then, this morning the universe came together to give me a good run. It all just came together. I slept great last night. The temp was about 49 and the humidity was at about 58%. And I was ready! After about the 1/2 mile mark a little voice in my head said “You got this shit.” My first thought was “Uh, am I hearing voices now” and then I was like “Yeah, I do got this shit!” And I killed it. A nice average pace of about an 11 minute mile and I was in the zone. When the voice in my earbuds said “Cool Down” I did a little dance right there in the middle of the road. Luckily, there was no one around me because I was just going to town. I’m not sure if it was that runner’s high that people talk about, but I felt GOOOOOOOOD!
I’m exercising again. Getting rid of my bad eating habits. My kid’s happy. My job rocks and I get to work with amazing people. The house stuff is all coming together. Everything is falling into place and I’m happy again.
It’s funny how you don’t realize just how unhappy you were until you are back to being happy again. Unhappiness does happen but don’t stick around hoping for something to get better. Life’s too short to waste an entire year being miserable.
Well, I did it! This past weekend I ran my first 5K in the pouring rain. Well, ran is kinda pushing it. Since the event was at the New Hampshire Motorspeedway, I figured that we would be running around the actual track. Since there are no hills on a racetrack, I’ve been training on a road that has no hills. Back and forth, back and forth, just trying to get through the minutes for the Couch to 5K program. Then I find out the week before that the race isn’t actually on the track itself, it’s out on a paved path. Well, that path had hills, and big ones. Hills that kicked my ass. I couldn’t even make it up the first hill. And then we went down a big hill and I noticed that runners were coming up the other side. I was having trouble running down this damn hill, how the hell was I gonna run back up??? I told myself that I didn’t have to run up it. That it was a fun run and most people were walking anyway so I shouldn’t feel bad. When we finally made it to the finish line, Willow and I crossed it together. I was disappointed that I couldn’t run the whole thing but was happy that I ran as much as I could.
Then there was the after-race party: Music, dancing, lots of color and unfortunately, more rain. But we had a blast!
Now I’m signing up for a 5K Race at the end of June that isn’t so ass kicking hilly and I will run all of this one!
Finished week 7 this morning. Twenty five minutes of straight running. Just a hair under 2 miles. It was actually easy until about 3/4 of the way thru. I felt a pull in my right thigh and my mind went all negative. But I just kept going and the pain went away.
I’m a little nervous since I’m two weeks away from my first 5k but I’m only running two miles. I’ve heard that the adrenaline gets you all pumped up to finish the race but the thought of running another mile scares me. But I’m not going to let fear get in my way. I’m going to just keep swimming.
And, some happy news! Things are moving forward with the house. I got rid of all the incompetence surrounding me and things are progressing. I may even get to close next week!!!!
Well, week 4 and week 5 are under my belt. And the last day of week 5, I ran for 20 minutes straight. I was amazed that my body could actually do that. There were even times when I just forgot I was running and went inside my head. It wasn’t nearly as hard I was imagining it would be (isn’t that always the case?)
Then over the weekend my body kicked me in the ass. I couldn’t get myself to do anything all day Saturday. My body just didn’t want to move. Then Sunday I somehow found the motivation to get my running sneaks on and get out the door. But once I started running, I knew that it wasn’t going to happen. My body just wouldn’t cooperate and I felt like my lungs were going to explode. I gave up about 3 minutes into the first running interval and tried again the next one. Only got about 30 seconds into that one and I was done. I walked home with my head low and all kinds of negative thoughts running thru my head. As the day progressed I started to feel like every muscle in my body was tensed up. It started in my shoulders and gradually worked its way down my body. Monday morning brought me unable to get up and out the door for a run and then unable to make my body move in any way so I stayed home from work. Tuesday morning I couldn’t get up and out the door for a run because I had a lot of trouble sleeping Monday night but I did get to work, though wasn’t very productive. By last night, I was starting to feel like myself again. And this morning I got out and ran. It was tough but I’m very glad I did.
I realized something on my run. This was all because of stress. My body basically tied itself up in knots because of the stress I’ve been under with all the problems with getting this house. I always carry my stress in my shoulders. So the fact that it started there clued me in on the source.
I can’t let this happen. I thought I was dealing with the stress as it came but obviously not. I’ve felt like the Universe was punishing me for making a bad decision to sell my house and move in with the ex and I’ve been carrying that around with me. A person can only take so much punishment, especially when we are punishing ourselves.
I’m working on forgiving myself. I’m working on not punishing myself for something that I thought was the right thing to do at the time I did it. It’s not easy, but I have to do this…..for my health.
Week 3 is in the history books and my confidence was soaring. Then on Sunday I started Week 4 and damn was it tough. Week 4 includes two running intervals of 5 minutes, the last one at the very end and of course, there was a hill. I just kept telling myself “You are strong and powerful. You can do anything you want. You can do this.” That worked for a little while and then my mind went its own way and I started saying “Just keep swimming, just keep swimming.” Luckily, Willow was behind me with my mom (who was having a tough run probably due to the six hours of yard work she did on Saturday) so there was no teenager embarrassment to deal with thankfully because that worked.
It’s funny where our minds go when we just let them. My meditation routine has been kinda slipping and I haven’t added anymore time to each session so I basically sit there and think about all the other things I should be doing. Running really is like 90% mental. You can so easily get in your own way. All it takes is one teeny tiny thought in the back of your mind that you can’t do it and bam, you can’t.
For now, I’m going to Just Keep Swimming.
I have stuck to it this time and I’m feeling great! I feel better physically, mentally and emotionally. Some of that may also be from being under contract for the house but I’m sure a huge part of it is my pride in how hard I’m working. It’s not easy but I’m up at 5am every morning and out the door either doing the program or just walking.
I’ve run into a couple of overuse type problems but some stretching and icing has worked for that. I may cut out some of the morning walks and substitute some yoga for strengthening. I’ve done some reading about the IT band (one of the issues I’ve been dealing with) and almost everything I have read says you need to so some strengthening so I may add a couple of mornings a week of yoga to keep other problems from arising.
Feeling better and better every day. It’s good to be back to me.
So, I made an offer on a house over the weekend. It is one of those Fannie Mae Home Path houses so no one looked at it over the weekend. It ended up in someone’s inbox this morning and now they will take 48-72 hours to decide, basically, how the rest of my life will go. I’ve spent the last eight months (four of those while still living with the Ex trying to find a way to get WIllow and I out of that situation) trying to find a place for my family to live. Having two dogs makes it difficult to find a place to rent. And having been approved for a low mortgage makes it hard to find something to buy.
Well, I found an almost perfect house (beggars can’t be choosers at this point) for us and now all I have to do is wait for some person sitting in a cubical somewhere to decide the fate of my family. Overly dramatic. Yes. But that’s how I’m feeling right now and it’s causing me to not be able to get anything else done. What am I gonna do if I have to wait until Wednesday!?!??!?!?