LETITGO!!!!!!!

I’m angry. And I can’t stop it.

I’m angry because I was tricked into believing that he was someone that he wasn’t.  I gave up everything, sold my house, packed up my shit and moved everything, and he didn’t even try. I made a huge mistake and moved my daughter away from her school, her dance studio, her friends and her grandparents and put her into what turned out to be a bad situation. I’m angry at myself for believing that I was doing the right thing. I’m angry at myself for letting my guard down, even though it was only one time but of course, the wrong time. I’m angry that I can’t trust my own instincts because I obviously make bad decisions. I’m angry because I tried so hard and gave up so much and he just didn’t try at all.

holding anger

I know that it’s bad to hold onto anger. It’s only hurting me. I know this. But getting it to stop just isn’t that easy. I’ve tried meditating on it and that just leaves me all tensed up and not at all relaxed and centered. I find the past running through my mind, specific times that I was so frustrated, and I end up all tensed up again. next chapter

I think the reason that I am having so much trouble getting past the anger is because I’m still struggling to get back on my feet. I sold my house to move and now there are fewer and fewer houses on the market that I can afford because the housing market is getting better and pushing more and more houses out of my price range.

I was happy in my life. I had everything that I needed and had made a pretty good life for my daughter and I. I thought he would add to that happiness.  I had everything and I gave it up to start a new life with him.  And now I’m left trying to pick up the pieces and let go of the anger.

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3 thoughts on “LETITGO!!!!!!!

  1. Jayson

    Sounds to me you’re still in love with some part of him! I hope not. But I also know it’s very hard to get over something that you wanted SO BAD!!! xoxo

    Reply
    1. Lotus Post author

      Nope. 100% not in love with him anymore! Any love that I may have still had for him, was gone as soon as he started acting like a psycho the last two weeks I lived there. I’m glad to be done with his bullshit!

      Reply
  2. April

    Anger can be good. Anger fueled me to make a lot of decisions that, years later, ended up being the stepping stones to building a better life for me and my girls. And I think my rant last week led to my X sending me some child support last night!
    Depression is anger without enthusiasm. I’d choose anger over depression any day.
    Anger gets a bad rap, but when used correctly, it can be very helpful! You have every right to be angry. And eventually, like every other emotion, it will pass.

    Reply

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