There came a point in my relationship when I realized that what I wanted and needed and who I wanted to be had almost been erased. I realized that while I was trying so hard to make those compromises that you have to make in a relationship (one of the things that I’m really bad at) I had compromised myself right out of everything that was important to me or just the things I wanted. So, now that I am out of that situation, I’m getting back to me.
Though, I do have some obstacles to get past before I can do that. The first big one being that I need to get out of my parent’s house. That’s where I ended up after the downfall of my relationship.
It’s funny how in hindsight we see how stupid we were. Why didn’t I just rent my house out for a little while and wait to sell it? I was so sure that he was the one and that we were going to live happily ever after that I figure that there was no reason for me to rent it out. I just wanted to get rid of it and not have to worry about it. Now, that house had its own set of issues that I’m glad that I don’t have to deal with anymore, but as I keep searching for houses in my price range that the USDA will allow me to buy, I’m kicking myself a little more each day.
I’ve never allowed myself to rely on someone fully. I’ve always had something to fall back on or just ended a relationship if it got to the point where I might have to start giving up some of my safety net but I didn’t want to do that again. I wanted to fully believe that it was going to work and to do everything in my power to make sure it did and I thought that was enough.
I know that I did everything in my power to make it work. I did what I thought I was supposed to do and over and beyond that. The only regret I have is giving up that safety net. I see now that there wouldn’t have been anything wrong with that. Someone who is secure in their relationship and fully trusts the other person, shouldn’t have a problem with them having a safety net if they are going to make it a top priority to make that relationship work. And when there was anger in my relationship because of the small safety net (a little money in my own bank account) that I did keep, I should have realized that there was a problem.