I was laid off on March 5th. It’s now May and I haven’t been this happy in a long time. The first month of being laid off was stressful and scary but then something happened. I realized that I’m going to be ok. I realized that I can make it on my severance pay and then unemployment. I realized that I wasn’t yelling at my kid. I realized that I was happy again and the only thing that changed was that I didn’t have to go to a job that I hated five days a week. Could it really be that simple?
Maybe it was because I was tired and had so little time to get things done. Maybe it was because I was sitting in traffic for 2 hours a day. Maybe it was because I wasn’t exercising. Maybe it was because I never took time for myself. Maybe it was becase I felt like a bad mother. But I don’t think so. I was mad in the morning because I had to go to a job that I hated everything about. I was mad when I got home because I spent the day at a job that I hated everything about. On Saturdays, I was mad because I had a million things to do and only two days to get them done in. On Sundays, I was mad because I had to go back to the job that I hated everything about the next day. And of course, I was mad while I was at the job that I hated everything about. So, that’s pretty much being mad at every waking moment. Could all this being mad be the reason for the above mentioned “maybe it was because”s? Hmm, now that can’t be good.
Since not having to go to the job that I hate everything about I have started talking to my daughter more. I have stopped snapping so quickly at my daughter. I have started exercising and feeling better about my myself because of it. I have been working in my yard and realized that it is a great meditation. I have started a class this term and haven’t had to be up until 1am trying frantically to get everything done. The last three years have been filled with nights of 3 or less hours of sleep. There have been times since becoming a mother that I was working two jobs and going to school walking around in a haze of tiredness and stress. That’s not anyway to live.
So where does all this realization leave me? After spending Dancing Chick’s entire April vacation with her, at home and only fighting with her once, I realized that I want to be able to spend time like that with her. I have never had that chance. So, unless something great comes along (I will still continue to look) I will be staying home with my daughter through her summer vacation and on unemployment (I’ve been paying for it since I was 15 so why not-I went to high school in Kansas and because of farming, you can work at 15). This will also give me the time to finish the last three classes (YAHOO!!!!) that I need for my degree. I can be a college student. And, by then I will have a degree and will have many more options in the business world. And hopefully that will help me find the job that will pay the bills and make me happy.
I know that 55% of Americans don’t like their job. And I know that in this economy, you really shouldn’t be picky about what job you have. But I’ve learned that how you spend 40+ hours of your week has a major affect on your emotional well-being. And in my family, my emotinal well-being is what keeps all this together. And that’s important to me.