My graduation..another way for my mother to be a martyr.

I graduate on  May 15th.  It’s been a very long, hard, frustrating road. I will finally have my Bachelors degree and I can’t wait to be done. I was supposed to graduate last year but buying the house took up too much of my time so I had to drop classes that I had already registered for.

So, this year, I am most definitely graduating. Nothing is standing in the way. I have three classes and that’s it. So I will technically be done in August but I get to walk in May.  I found this all out about three weeks ago. Since my mother was all gung-ho last year about throwing me a big party (since I won’t be having a wedding and all-yeah, she reminded me of that sevearl times) I told her about it. Her response, “Yeah right. Like you did last year.”  Thank you so very much my loving mother. When my gown and cap and everything arrived, she say them sitting on my dining room table (a week after I told her I was graduating) she commented something about it, but I don’t remember what. Then I talked to her about the fact that it’s a two-hour drive to my college and I have to be there at 9am, blah, blah. I waited hoping that maybe she would say something about having a party. Nope.

Another week passes and she asks me again what time the graduation is (and I’m the one with Alzheimer’s) and I comment that I don’t think I’m going to invite other relatives with it being so far away. Then she says well would you rather go out to dinner with us or have a party?  Um, WTF!??!  I just sat there for a minute hoping she would say I’m just kidding. Nope. She just stared at me.   I tell her I would like a party.  She then points out to me that unlike last year, she is working now and will need me to help her.  Grand.  The rest of the time we spent at their house there were several comments about how there is only three weeks until my graduation and how much she is going to have to do for it and how there is only three weeks and blah, blah, blah.  I tell her that if she wants to do it the week after that would be fine. On and on about how she doesn’t know how she will do it.   Then she calls me this afternoon and asks me again when I want to have the party.  Again, I tell her the Saturday after graduation is fine. Then she called again tonight and had DC ask me when and what time I’m having the party.  Um…again WTF!  You haven’t had to pay for a wedding for me (as you love to point out so many times) nor did you pay for me to go to school. The loans that will follow me around for the next ten years are proof of that. We never had birthday parties growing up. Her reasoning was that we didn’t live near our family. Ok, fine but there hasn’t been one since we moved back here six years ago. I did, however, help my dad plan a giant surprise party for her and helped her plan several birthday parties for my dad. Yes, I realize how petty that sounds, but this is really the only thing that I was hoping she could do for me.  You know, my one time in the spotlight.

I know that I shouldn’t expect my mother to do anything for me without either holding it over my head or using it for her own martyrdom but I really thought this would be different. I really thought that the second hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life might make her proud of me and that she might want to do something nice for me with no strings attached. I thought that parents were supposed to want more for their kids. Since she has no degree (which by the way is my fault for being an “accidental pregnancy”)  I thought she would be happy.  Silly, silly me.

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8 thoughts on “My graduation..another way for my mother to be a martyr.

  1. Call Me Cate

    You know, I didn’t even go to my college graduation because I couldn’t stand the thought of my mother making it all about her. So because of my fears that she would ruin my day, I skipped out on it altogether.

    I can relate to a ridiculous amount of things you wrote in this post and all I can say is to not let her rain on your parade. Be proud of your accomplishment, whether or not she acknowledges it as you feel she should. The more I realize I have to find my happiness from within, the easier it seems to come by.

    And congratulations on the pending graduation!!!

    Reply
    1. Semi-Hippie Solo Mama Post author

      I didn’t even think about her doing this. I really, really thought that this would be the thing that she didn’t make all about her. I’ve realized that I’ve spent a lot of my life trying to make her proud of me and it’s just not possible. I think this may be just the thing to help me get past all that.

      Reply
  2. singlemama_cc

    I *think* we have the same mother…..

    Big ol #assslap & CONGRATS on the graduation!! Im not your mama BUT I am A mama so woot woot!!! You ROCK! Srsly–how effing awesome!! Very happy for you….putting graduation day on my calander!

    Reply
  3. Teresa

    Congratulations on your graduation! When I graduated, I told my mom I wasn’t going to walk and did anyone and she never knew. It’s sad that I felt like I had to do that. But, I just wanted it to be a good day and my parents to not embarrass me.

    Reply
  4. Sheila

    Congratulations ! It takes a lot of discipline and focus to graduate. I was thinkiing of where I failed in that area when I went to college and trying to figure out why. One of the reasons was lack of good family support. We all need love and acknowledgment of that love.

    By the way this sounds, if your mom isn’t truly in a financial bind, is that your mom may have some psychological or emotional problems, that she herself isn’t capable of recognizing. I know my parents had problems, but not back when I was in school. I know it now. I know it hurts no to ahve some special recognition, but believe me there is one smiling on you from above because you have done well. There is a Holy Creator and he does know everything about us. He is proud of your accomplishments. Keep going for what is good in life, and don’t let anyone or anything ever discourage you or cause you to take the wrong roads.

    Congratulations again !

    Sheila

    Reply
  5. ericka

    I’m so happy that I came across this site because I am graduating soon and considering not inviting my mother to my college graduation also. Im 25 and she’s complicated my financial aid for several years by claiming me on her taxes when I didnt live with her etc. So because of this and several other reasons I am considering not inviting her. A couple of months ago I also found out that my father isnt my real dad and she wont answer any questions related to that except “Im not sure”….but she wont even address the situation when he’s around. I am really considering not inviting her when I graduate in May.

    Reply

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