So, there were rumors and more rumors and then some other rumors about a big layoff in engineering and I just ignored them. Then, there were more specific rumors and they were coming from very different people, people who don’t talk to each other. With the rumor being that 50% of engineering was going to be laid off, I figured there was pretty good chance the Admin for the Hardware Engineering and Supply Chain departments would get laid off too. I had convinced myself that it would happen. And I had convinced myself that it would be ok if it did. I hated my job but was stuck because of the agreement I signed for tuition reimbursement (I would have to stay for a year after I was finished with my degree or pay it all back). I also figured it would be a good way to get my business up and running. I would have more time to do what I needed to do for that. I was completely convinced that this would be a good thing.
And then, my co-worker convinced me that there was no way I would get laid off. She was insistent that because I also supported Supply Chain that they would keep me. So I relaxed and went back to work. I noticed that on each of the Hardware Engineer Managers calendars was a block for a meeting at 10am in one of the big conference rooms. Putting two and two together, I figured that was when the ax was going to fall. At 9:40am I received an email for the VP of Engineering asking me to come to that conference room at 10am. I kept it together for about 2 minutes reminding myself that I was happy that I was getting laid off…trying to remember that was a good thing…trying…trying…and then I pointed it out to my cube mate/friend and then lost it, crying and shaking.
After getting it together I head down to the conference room trying not to cry. I sit down and look around. There are a ton of people there. It’s 10:10 and they decide to start. The VP of Engineering stands up front and says that our business has been losing money blah, blah, blah and all of your positions have been eliminated. That’s right. They put about 30 or 40 people in a conference room and told them they were laid off. The whole thing was ridiculous.
I spent the rest of my time at the office that day trying not to cry whenever someone came over and said they were sorry to hear.
So now after back and forth and up and down on the emotional roller coaster, I’m ok with the whole thing. I get to start over. I hated my job, hated everything about it but I was stuck . And I think because of how much I hated my job, I have become someone that I don’t really like. Forty hours a week doing something that you hate doesn’t make for a very happy person.
This week is Dancing Chick’s February vacation so I have stayed home with her getting my head on straight., getting my character in line with my values and just getting back to who I want to be. I’ve also had to sit and figure out what it is that I really want to do. I’ve done some brain storming on what kind of job I think I would be happy in. I’m thinking a job doing something to help the planet might make me happy. I’ve been researching Ecojobs and companies whose mission it is to help the Earth. Maybe even put my Paralegal Certificate (that I got three years ago and have not used since) to work and get into an Environmental Law firm. That would be awesome! But because I have no experience in a law firm, that may be difficult.
I’ve been reading Seven Habits of Highly Effective People and it’s really clicking with me. I’m only on page 56 but it just makes sense and I’m feeling better about finding my way back to who I want to be and using it in my new adventures.
I’m also going to SCORE to talk to someone about getting my business up and running and get some ideas on how to run it and how to make it successful. I have so many ideas for the business but I’m not sure what is a good idea and what isn’t. I want to get involved in helping young girls have a better body image…I want to help single parents with that non-profit idea…..I want to help the Earth (I really should settle on one issue for that).
Well, that’s where I am right now. Today I plan on working on my resume and get it out to those four or five eco jobs I found and work on my Linked In account. We are also going to see The Lion King at the Boston Opera House tonight. I got tickets for Dancing Chick’s birthday. It will be nice to head into Boston and forget about everything.
P.S I changed my name to Semi-Hippie Solo Mom after reading an article at Singlemommyhood.com. I like the idea of being a Solo Mom rather than a Single mom. Single mom sounds more like my dating status rather than my parenting status.