Why is it more acceptable in our society to be divorced than never married?

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think there is anything wrong with divorce.  If you are unhappy and have tried everything but nothing worked and especially if there are kids involved, then divorce was the right decision. I’ve made plenty of mistakes in my life, marrying the wrong guy just happens to be one I haven’t made. 

What I don’t get is why people are so shocked when you say you have never been married.  It’s always the same thing. “I figured you were divorced. You’ve really never been married?”   Our society is so used to divorce that it’s just like another thing that people do. I was talking to some friends about this, both divorced, and they said well at least we tried.  Ok,  but why is it so unacceptable to not have made the mistake in the first place? Why am I looked at like a leper for never being married (and as I recently found out, a red flag to men possibly).  I refuse to settle and my daughter comes first.   Yes, I’ve become very comfortable in my girls only world and it would probably be pretty hard for me to let someone else in at this point but that doesn’t mean that if the right guy came along I wouldn’t give it a shot (maybe). But it doesn’t mean that I wasn’t open to the possibility of it before I got so comfy and had a child who become my reason for living.

 Why are we so adamant that we must pair off anyway?  It’s very possible to have a fulfilling, happy life being single.   And how can you really know if you actually love someone if you can’t be happy alone.   I think that may be part of the huge divorce rate.  People just can’t be alone so they jump into a marriage thinking they love someone but they actually just love not being alone.  When I first heard Taylor Swift’s song Love Story and the line where Romeo pr0poses saying you’ll never have to be alone I couldn’t believe it. Be with me so you’ll never have to be alone…WTF?  Is that the way we think now?  She was 16 when she sang that. Is that what we are teaching our children?

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9 thoughts on “Why is it more acceptable in our society to be divorced than never married?

  1. Teresa

    I have loads of female friends who have never been married. I don’t know how that feel about that question because I have never asked them. I will have to do some Nancy Drew detective work and get back to you!

    Reply
    1. KA Post author

      Let me know what they say. I’ve been told that I have a very different way of looking at things. It would be nice to get some other never been married chicks takes on the idea.

      Reply
  2. Raine

    You are totally right. I am divorced and Ill tell you that it was the worst thing Ive had to go through. If I got to choose marriage and divorce or nothing, Ill tell you what: Nothing it is. I dont think Ill ever be the same. I dont understand people who talk of divorce like it was no big deal. That makes me think that they didnt put a lot of stock in their relationship in the begining. I am definately learning now that you have to learn to live alone. You’ve gotta find out who you are before you can make a we. I wish I could make a giant sign that says “Being alone is not the end of the world” – not to mention the fact that with family and friends you are never alone…

    Reply
    1. KA Post author

      I’ve stopped biting my lip when friends talk about the problems they endure in relationships. I’ve just started telling them that it’s not a bad idea to be alone for awhile. You would think I was saying it’s ok to jump off a cliff or something.

      Reply
  3. April

    There was a study recently that found that children of single parents where the parent was always single do just as well as children of two-parent homes. It’s actually the upheaval of divorce that can be detrimental to children.
    I’m divorced and I wish I had never married. My life is so much fuller now that I’ve discovered I don’t have to be with anyone. Ever again, if I so choose!

    Reply
    1. KA Post author

      I read your blog on that and wrote my own blog on it here. That study was very inspiring. I always knew in the back of my mind that it just being the two of us (after getting past the “I can find her a better daddy”stage) was the best for her. Unfortunately, I had a lot of doubt in my abilities and listened to those around me that continued to tell me that it would best if my daughter had a father in her life. Thanks to your post on that study I’ve realized that I knew how to deal with it all along. It’s hard to believe in your own abilities when everyone is contradicting what you believe is right. Thankfully, I’ve learned to trust myself.

      Reply
  4. vinomom

    That is an interesting study.

    I so totally know what you are talking about. Add in being a mom at 19 and you can feel judgements ooze. I don’t really give a fuck so I’ve never let it bother me much, but you can absolutely feel that sort of “odd man out” feeling in groups of other married and/or divorced moms.

    Try as we might, society still hasn’t overcome the whole “unwed mother” stigmatism.

    Reply
    1. KA Post author

      Nineteen. Damn. I can’t even imagine that. You are an amazing and hard working woman! You should be praise instead of made to feel like the “odd man out.” I can only imagine how many women at 19 took the easier way out and ended it. Well, I wouldn’t say easier. It’s hard to end a pregnancy but much harder to see it out and take responsibility for your actions.

      It’s not even an unwed mother thing. People who don’t first know I have a kid assume that I am divorced because I am single at 33, shit 34 in two hours (why does that bother me so much??). That pisses me off the most.

      Reply
  5. Michele

    I was married once (not Trinity’s father) it was a huge mistake. I was young, and thought it was the thing to do. I have never re-married, and not sure if I ever will.

    I totally hear ya on this topic. Our society has changed dramatically, and not for the better( in my humble opinion). Not sure what it is. My friend and I were talking about this very thing last week. I remember being in school, and it was rare when you came from a “broken home”(as they used to call it) Nowadays, it’s rare if your parents are together!!!

    I am single, and have been since I became pregnant. And I love being single, I love being a so called, single mom. I have no time for a man right now, maybe later… LOL But, I would certainly not get married again JUST to have someone else around! I have never understood this mentality either.
    “…And how can you really know if you actually love someone if you can’t be happy alone.”
    I could not have said it better myself.
    Anyway, I’m rambling!!
    Great post!

    Reply

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