Open Letter to my mother

Dear Mom,

I don’t know what your problem has been for the last several months, but you need to figure it out and fix it.  Maybe you are depressed or mad or upset but whatever it is, it needs to change. You have been treating Dancing Chick like she is a problem that you have to deal with.  I have told you before that she takes everything you say to heart but I guess that has slipped your mind again.  I don’t know how you talk to her when I’m not there because she is afraid that you will be mad at her if she tells me. But I see how you talk to her when I am there and I’m quite certain it’s worse when I’m not. I know because you have done it to me my entire life. You have said many things to me that a mother should just never, ever say to a daughter.  The damage you have done is deep and is taking me a long time to fix.  I am a big girl now and can talk myself off the cliff when you make me feel stupid, useless, incapable or whatever kind of crap you chose to make me feel like at the time.  She is just a child and looks up to you and believes everything you say.

I know that you will never admit you have done anything wrong nor apologize for any of the wrongs that you have done to me or her, but maybe you could talk to a therapist for her.  Maybe you could stop and actually take a real look at yourself. She deserves the best and you are not giving her your best. I’m breaking the cycle here because I remember what it feels like.  Maybe it has been so long since your mother passed away that you no longer remember how that feels.  It is something that I deal with on a daily basis.  I will no longer explain myself to you.  I don’t owe you an explanation for anything that I do with MY family and I realize that now.

You have an easy life now.  You don’t work and don’t really have anything to worry about so stop trying to create things to worry about. Enjoy the things you have.

In a couple of years, Dancing Chick will no longer need to be babysat by you.  She will be able to decide for herself if she sees you or not (and I will honor her choice).  If you want her to choose to see you, you better start fixing yourself now.

Your daughter

PS.  Don’t nag Dad to come to my house to try to scare me into “being nice” to you.  You are a big girl too and should fight your own battles.


11 thoughts on “Open Letter to my mother

  1. cjrambling

    You go girl! Issues with the parental units are rough and always run the deepest. I hope she takes the steps to change before she looses her relationship with your daughter or does permanent damage to her self-esteem.

  2. Samantha

    Sounds like our parents are very similar! I’m withdrawing from mine to break the cycle. I sent them a similar letter, and let me tell you, it did not go well! Hope your works out just a tad bit better.

    1. KA Post author

      I guess I should have said in the post that I don’t plan on sending it. I’ve tried to talk to my mother about what she has done to me and the effects of her cruelty but she went into defensive, I’m a victim mode. My father did say tonight that my mother and I need to sit down and figure things out and his voice started to crack. I’m hoping that makes my mom think. Though she did say that she is sick and that’s why she has been acting the way she has. My dad said “well what about the last 20 years.” We will see. She has made changes before but they lasted for about a week. She needs therapy to fix it but I don’t see it happening.

  3. Bohemian single mom

    Wow!! Nicely said.
    And I can so relate. In fact it’s similar to something I would write to my own mother. (who has passed on).
    It’s funny how when we become mothers ourselves, our childhood becomes much clearer, and what we will NEVER put our own daughters through.

    LOVE your blog! So glad you found me. I am putting you in my links.

    Stay Strong!


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