What do I want?

wantsI’ve been thinking about this for the last week or so and it’s harder to figure out than I thought. If you take everyone else out of the equation, it’s not as clear as I thought it would be.  I know what I want for Dancing Chick, but if I take what I want for her out of my own “What do I Want” equation, it’s like a blank slate.  I should now exactly what I want so I can go after it each day. So why do I have no idea? 

It all started when I realized that I procrastinate on every aspect of my job.  I really just don’t want to do it.  My company is paying for me to finish my degree so I have to stay for at least a year after I’m done or I have to pay it all back.  But I really just hate my job.  And if you are spending most of your time doing something you really don’t want to do, that’s just not healthy. The problem is that to start over is really not possible at this point.  I have a mortgage to pay now and a child to take care of.  I can’t take a cut in pay to start at the bottom.  So where does that leave me in the whole finding happiness in a job path?  Pretty much stuck.  I need to figure out exactly what I want to do that also involves something that I love and feel passionate about. I know that most people don’t like their job but I don’t want to live like that.  It makes me a grumpy person and that’s just not good.

I guess I really need to do some soul-searching.  The toughest part of being a mother, I think anyway, is remembering to do for yourself.  We want so badly to make sure our kids are happy and healthy that what we want becomes blurred with what is best for our kids.

Mission #1: Figure out what I want.

Mission #2: Figure out how to get it.

Mission#3: Put plan into action (I have a feeling this will prove to be the hardest mission).


4 thoughts on “What do I want?

  1. carma

    I guess you are pretty much “stuck” for the time being, but use the time to get your plan of action in place so you can escape as soon as possible once you are there long enough to keep the tuition.

    I’m definitely not doing something I am passionate about either, but at this point I figure there is not much else out there, so I wait….

    If you can find your passion, that is half the battle. I fret that I will go through life without ever discovering it!!

    Hang in there.

    1. KA Post author

      It’s very frustrating. I was thinking about going into HR management when I’m done with my degree because I have HR assistant experience but I want more than that. Maybe start my own company. But I really need to be more stable than I am now. And now, how to I get to that stability? And the cycle continues around and around and around.

  2. carols

    Your post really resonated with me.

    I think as single parents we strive for stability and security, but we lose a bit of our passion and desire for “risk taking”. It’s a hard thing to balance.

    I’m in a place right now where I need to take a risk in the next few years or just feel frustrated. The “idyllic” coastal town I moved to when my son was a baby is boring me to tears! I feel I want to move back to the city but am nervous about the change.

    I’ve decided to put together a five year plan so that at least I know where I am going – giving myself time to research all the pros and cons whilst alleviating some of the frustration in thinking I might be here forever.

    Of course you have to know what you want. I’ve been confused about my career all my life. I’m still trying to decide what I want to do when I grow up! In the meantime I work in an industry which is full of people whose passion is elsewhere. If you figure out how to do this bit, please let me know!


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