When Dancing Chick was first born I thought that I would be able to find a good man who could “complete” our family because that’s what I thought would be best for this little person that I was completely responsible for now. When she was young I dated, had a fairly serious relationship that didn’t work out, and thought that it shouldn’t be that hard to find someone. I had dated plenty before I had her, same thing after, right? Wrong! I didn’t realize how much pressure I would put on myself to find the right one. And as she got older, it was harder and harder. I heard so many stories of single mothers who’s boyfriends had hurt their children. I couldn’t believe that they all knew what was going on and let it happen (I may be giving them more credit than they deserve). I was afraid of bringing a bad person into Dancing Chick’s life. There was a constant voice in the back of my head saying “You already gave her one bad father, your better not fuck up again!”
Then there was my very well intentioned family asking me how my dating life was going and nonchalantly (sometimes blatantly) adding how much better it would be for Dancing Chick if she had a father-figure in her life. That added another voice in the back of my head (usually sounding quite a bit like my mother) saying “you better hurry up and find a father for Dancing Chick before you fuck her all up.”
So, off I went and dated here and there, nothing ever working out. And after every bad situation I said I was done dating. There was always someone there telling me I couldn’t give up and the right one would come along, blah, blah, blah.
Eventually I stopped meeting new people. Working two jobs, working full-time and going to school, working two jobs and going to school…all kind of make you a bit tired and getting all dolled up to go out stops sounding appealing. Sweats and couch was what I wanted more than anything on those rare occasions I had time to myself. Then moving north just wiped out my friend list and it’s very hard to make new friends when you have a kid.
I eventually tried online dating. It was fun while emailing back and forth, texting or talking on the phone but then eventually you have to meet. I hated that first meeting! HATED IT! I would get all nervous and worry about what I would wear, etc, etc, etc and that’s really not like me. It just wasn’t fun. I had to make up a story to tell my mother because I just didn’t want to tell her I was dating because that was usually followed by a thousand questions. Plus, I would have rather just stayed home with my favorite person and watch a movie in our nice little, stable bubble.
And while dealing with the same thing over and over and over and over I’m thinking this whole thing is just ridiculous. My life is awesome just the way it is. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. Dancing Chick is a very well adjusted, most of the time, kid. I’m quite happy and have everything I could ever ask for. It would be nice to have a second income but I’m just not the gold digging type so that’s not enough of an incentive to continue dealing with the bullshit. But the voices in my head just kept telling me to keep going. The voices outside my head continued to nag about it as well.
Then I read Single Mom’s Open Letter to President Obama at It’s All About Balance and she linked to a recent study that talks about how family stability is more important than having two parents. That was all I needed to hear. I knew it was true but I had so many people telling me what I needed to/should do that those voices over-ruled my own.
So, here I am in my semi-perfect, happy little world with my three girls (two furry and one not), enjoying my life without the complications of bullshit and drama. This is where I plan to stay!