So, Grandma called back about an hour later. Dancing Chick picked up the phone, saw it was her and handed it to me. I answered it and she asked for Dancing Chick. Ah no, you have to go through me first. I told her that I wasn’t sure I should let her talk to DC (immature, yes, but I was trying to make a point). She sounded really defeated and asked me if I seriously didn’t want her talking to DC. I explained to her that DC is afraid that if I discuss these issues with her (I also told her about the convo she had with DC on the way down to the lake. DC started crying) she will be even more mean to DC. She really didn’t even realize how bad it was because she didn’t remember the conversations. I decided to let her talk to DC because she really seemed upset. DC got on the phone and cried and then they started talking about school or something and she perked up. I told DC that I wanted to talk to Grandma before she hung up.
When I got the phone back I told her that she needs to understand that this little girl takes everything she says to heart. Grandma honestly didn’t realize how much affect her words had on DC (even though I have had this conversation with her before). I told Grandma that we all say things we don’t mean or that are just mean and realize after we say it. But we have to apologize for it and explain to them what we meant. The biggest thing for her is to think before she speaks. She is an extreme co-dependant and doesn’t like the fact that the only grandchild she has near by doesn’t need her as much anymore. And she really hates the fact that I am teaching her to be independent.
In the end I told her that if DC says Mum said I could then that is the end of the discussion. If Grandma doesn’t believe her, then she needs to pick up the phone and call me. The thing that really got Grandma mad was that DC kept telling her that she wasn’t going to change because I said she could wear it (though Grandma eventually forced her to change.) I made it very, very clear that I am the mother and what I say goes, whether or not DC is in my house. And she has to realize that I am doing things very different from the way she did, because I know what damage can be done.
I do feel better, but we will see how long until the next battle of Grandma vs what Mum said is ok.